Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
