God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
