haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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