Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...

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(727): View more from Florida

He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning

(519): View more from Ontario

Omg I think I'm in the wrong class

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(859): View more from Kentucky

You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work

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(601): View more from Mississippi

I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night

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(812): View more from Indiana

I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.

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(946): View more from

There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him

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