don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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