I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize