No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You're like the curious george of whores
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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