some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
