terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
