He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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