And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
