I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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