oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
