And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
