The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
