i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
