So drunk its hurt
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize