My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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