I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
