I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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