it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
