Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
