i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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