Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
