He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
