I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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