I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
