How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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