Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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