I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
