big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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