It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
