My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
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I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
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I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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