So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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