you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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