Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Fuck appropriateness.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
