i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
