He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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