I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
