My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
