I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dick very happy bro
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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