i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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