she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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