I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
50% drunk capacity currently
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize