highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
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Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
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I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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