I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
