There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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