hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
