Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
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I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
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Shitshow foam night was such a success
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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