She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize