How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
