Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
