i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
