im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
