You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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