Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
