worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
