Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
