My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
