Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
