he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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