My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
