I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
