I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
