I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
