I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
