I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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