Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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