I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
