i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
