I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
