There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
