The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize