We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
